The Dating Show excerpt – what is the correct etiquette when dating?
The full Dating Show podcast is available at http://www.lovesongs247.com.
W: You have this concept of chivalry, now chivalry used to be sort of knights of the realm, the knights of chivalry treating damsels in distress, or otherwise, nicely. Actually chivalry today extends to anybody. Women can be chivalrous towards men, woman can be chivalrous towards women, men can be chivalrous to men. Obviously if a man and a woman were going out on a date, the man should still pull out the chair for the lady. If he knows the lady is really going to baulk at this and not like it, then don't do it, but if it's someone who doesn't know whether they like it or not, then do it the first time. Similarly, the women shouldn't bit their hand off for doing it, it was just a nice gesture, they're not patronising the woman. It is just a nice thing, such as holding open the door. It's not because they're the weaker sex. It's because they are a human being.
R: With social media, with smartphones, with texting and all these different things that we're trying to cope with at the moment, you've sort of gone through the etiquette of face to face, but what about the etiquette of texting, e-mailing, where are we on that?
W: texting and e-mailing is very interesting, because obviously it's come in very recently, and I think still as a society we're finding our feet. We just need to apply basic common sense, and then we will be fine. If you are going out to someone's house for dinner, don't take your mobile phone out at the dinner table, put it in your pocket, turn it to silent and respect the host who might have spent all day cooking a lovely meal for you. Similarly, if you're going out on a date, or you're going out with a friend to a restaurant, don't sit there on your mobile phone. Focus on the human, not the gadgets. The humans are much more important than these devices and I think why people do focus on their tablets or phones or laptops too much rather than people is because these social skills which 50 years were part and parcel of every day life are not being taught anymore. They are insecure, so they are hiding behind their devices.
R: When you're texting or e-mailing people, what's your advice on that?
W: If you're going to send someone an e-mail, an e-mail is an electronic letter. If you're e-mailing someone you do not know, you follow the conventions that a letter has. You would start with "Dear Sir", or "Dear Madam", if you didn't know their name, that would end with "yours faithfully." If you did know their name, you would start with "Dear Miss Smith," then end with "yours sincerely." You don't have to follow those conventions when it's someone you know, as it becomes quite informal and you can have a back and forth. It does annoy me when people e-mail me with "Hey William", when they ahve absolutely no idea who I am, or they've never met me. It's too informal. It is true, familiarity breeds contempt.
R: And texting?
W: Texting? If you're going to do it, obviously you have to make sure everything is spelt perfectly, because people judge you by your text. If you're sending a text to someone you don't necessarily know particularly well and it's full of typos and abbreviations and silly little smiley faces, then they are going to form an opinion about you, and if it's a juvenile opinion that you want to cultivate, that's absolutely fine, but just think about how you are perceived. If only people thought about all what they put on today" or what they didn't put on today" or how they're coming across on the telephone or by text. You have to think what is that other person going to think of me? Have some self respect and hopefully you will go further.
R: OK. And just one final question for you William. If you had to pick one nugget of advice you could give people?
W: Whatever you do, don't call it a toilet, because it's a lavatory. Toilet's an awful word. Toilet was actually your make up and your wig back in the days of the French and English court. The actual thing is a lavatory, and that is what you're going to, unless you're going to powder your wig of course, when you can say I'm going to the toilet.
R: Well I normally call it a khazi!
E: I hope you didn't tell him that.
R: I've just sent him a text, smiley face, saying cheers mate for the interview.
E: He's going to love that.
-laughter-
E: To be honest, I felt that he was pretty scary although some of the staff that he says I do actually find correct, like opening the door is definitely something. If a guy doesn't open the door, if he's walking to the door and I'm there and he doesn't let me go through first and hold it opener. I just think to myself what a commoner.
R: Really?
E: Absolutely! And the thing about the toilet, I know it's hysterical, but I never call it a toilet. I always say "Excuse me where's the bathroom?"
The full Dating Show podcast is available at http://www.lovesongs247.com.
W: You have this concept of chivalry, now chivalry used to be sort of knights of the realm, the knights of chivalry treating damsels in distress, or otherwise, nicely. Actually chivalry today extends to anybody. Women can be chivalrous towards men, woman can be chivalrous towards women, men can be chivalrous to men. Obviously if a man and a woman were going out on a date, the man should still pull out the chair for the lady. If he knows the lady is really going to baulk at this and not like it, then don’t do it, but if it’s someone who doesn’t know whether they like it or not, then do it the first time. Similarly, the women shouldn’t bit their hand off for doing it, it was just a nice gesture, they’re not patronising the woman. It is just a nice thing, such as holding open the door. It’s not because they’re the weaker sex. It’s because they are a human being.
R: With social media, with smartphones, with texting and all these different things that we’re trying to cope with at the moment, you’ve sort of gone through the etiquette of face to face, but what about the etiquette of texting, e-mailing, where are we on that?
W: texting and e-mailing is very interesting, because obviously it’s come in very recently, and I think still as a society we’re finding our feet. We just need to apply basic common sense, and then we will be fine. If you are going out to someone’s house for dinner, don’t take your mobile phone out at the dinner table, put it in your pocket, turn it to silent and respect the host who might have spent all day cooking a lovely meal for you. Similarly, if you’re going out on a date, or you’re going out with a friend to a restaurant, don’t sit there on your mobile phone. Focus on the human, not the gadgets. The humans are much more important than these devices and I think why people do focus on their tablets or phones or laptops too much rather than people is because these social skills which 50 years were part and parcel of every day life are not being taught anymore. They are insecure, so they are hiding behind their devices.
R: When you’re texting or e-mailing people, what’s your advice on that?
W: If you’re going to send someone an e-mail, an e-mail is an electronic letter. If you’re e-mailing someone you do not know, you follow the conventions that a letter has. You would start with “Dear Sir”, or “Dear Madam”, if you didn’t know their name, that would end with “yours faithfully.” If you did know their name, you would start with “Dear Miss Smith,” then end with “yours sincerely.” You don’t have to follow those conventions when it’s someone you know, as it becomes quite informal and you can have a back and forth. It does annoy me when people e-mail me with “Hey William”, when they ahve absolutely no idea who I am, or they’ve never met me. It’s too informal. It is true, familiarity breeds contempt.
R: And texting?
W: Texting? If you’re going to do it, obviously you have to make sure everything is spelt perfectly, because people judge you by your text. If you’re sending a text to someone you don’t necessarily know particularly well and it’s full of typos and abbreviations and silly little smiley faces, then they are going to form an opinion about you, and if it’s a juvenile opinion that you want to cultivate, that’s absolutely fine, but just think about how you are perceived. If only people thought about all what they put on today” or what they didn’t put on today” or how they’re coming across on the telephone or by text. You have to think what is that other person going to think of me? Have some self respect and hopefully you will go further.
R: OK. And just one final question for you William. If you had to pick one nugget of advice you could give people?
W: Whatever you do, don’t call it a toilet, because it’s a lavatory. Toilet’s an awful word. Toilet was actually your make up and your wig back in the days of the French and English court. The actual thing is a lavatory, and that is what you’re going to, unless you’re going to powder your wig of course, when you can say I’m going to the toilet.
R: Well I normally call it a khazi!
E: I hope you didn’t tell him that.
R: I’ve just sent him a text, smiley face, saying cheers mate for the interview.
E: He’s going to love that.
-laughter-
E: To be honest, I felt that he was pretty scary although some of the staff that he says I do actually find correct, like opening the door is definitely something. If a guy doesn’t open the door, if he’s walking to the door and I’m there and he doesn’t let me go through first and hold it opener. I just think to myself what a commoner.
R: Really?
E: Absolutely! And the thing about the toilet, I know it’s hysterical, but I never call it a toilet. I always say “Excuse me where’s the bathroom?”
){kind=link}
Comments
Comments are disabled for this post.